There is not necessarily any rhyme or reason to it: some children become addicted to drugs and alcohol. While there are genetic and social factors that can increase or decrease the likelihood, the fact remains that both good and bad parents can wind up with an addicted son or daughter. Now, your child will most likely not simply come out and tell you that they are abusing drugs or alcohol, so here are a few signs that should warrant your attention:

• As stated above, genetics do play a factor, so be alert if your family has a history of abuse.
• Have you seen evidence of their abuse, i.e. empty liquor bottles, marijuana joints, or other drug paraphernalia? Children generally try very hard to hide these things, and if they are found easily, it could be a sign that they are losing control.
• Has your child been showing a drastic change in behavior? This could be a loss of interest in family activities, loss of appetite, change in friends, depression, irritability or defensiveness, or many other signs.
• Is your child having money problems but won’t talk about them?
• Has your child received a DUI, or has he or she been involved in shoplifting or theft?
• Do you notice any burn marks on their fingers or lips, needle tracks, or sores on their face and nose?

If you do notice some of the above things and suspect that there is a problem, be careful in your reaction. Harsh punishment or lectures to your child may simply drive them further to abuse. So what can you do about it?

• Resist yelling. Try to create a healthy, positive atmosphere in your house.
• You can’t control your child; you can, however, control yourself. Focus on that and your dealing with it, rather than forcing your child to change.
• Sit down and discuss the boundaries of the home with the child. Explain reasons for them and consequences for their actions if disobeyed.
• Get your son or daughter enrolled in a rehabilitation program and be patient. This does not happen overnight. You may not be the factor that produces change, but rather your child’s experiences with other recovering addicts. It will take time.
• Keep a hopeful, positive attitude, and have a sense of humor. Overstressing over the situation only leads to a hostile environment, which will not produce the change.
• Get help yourself: for co-dependents. You’re not alone, so it’s important to help yourself recover as well as your child. You may need family addiction treatment.

It can be frustrating. You may be ashamed, or resent your child for acting the way they have been. The important thing to understand is that there is hope, and things can turn around – it will just take some positive action and a little patience.

If you feel your friend or family member is steeped in a dangerous addiction, staging an intervention can be an effective way to get that person to seek help. The key is it has to be done well. Here are a few tips to ensure that you put together an effective intervention:

Plan it out.

Go to the people around him or and speak to them privately about the idea of an intervention. You want the people closest to him, who care about him, and who he cares about as well. Even if you do not like someone who he cares about, it’s important to let these biases be put aside for the purpose of this. If he doesn’t care about the people confronting him, it won’t work. He has to respect these people, and value their opinions. The threat of these people walking out on him needs to have great impact. Keep the group on the smaller side: no need to invite the whole, extended family. Try to keep the number in single digits, if you can. A more intimate group will be more effective. It also has to be clear that this intervention is a surprise, to keep the addict from avoiding the situation.

Seek additional help.

It may be beneficial to talk to an interventionist, who can guide you through the intervention process and, if requested, be present during the intervention. Having an addiction specialist present can help moderate the group if the group does not know what they are doing.

Prepare in advance.

With or without the interventionist, the group should meet beforehand to lay out how they will approach the addict and what they will say to him. Treatment options should be researched in advance, so that help can be suggested and offered immediately. It may be good for everyone to have a speech or something to say written out beforehand, so that everyone’s impact can be felt on the person. That way, everyone can adjust their speeches if they sound too blaming, rather than loving. The tone of the intervention is extremely crucial. Everyone then also should offer an ultimatum to push the addict to action. It may be difficult to do this for many, but it is one of the keys to an effective intervention. Preparing in advance can also clue in the group to any rejections or resistance that the addict may show towards the group.

Be careful during the intervention.

Keep the atmosphere positive. You want the addict to know you are here to help, not to blame. Also, keep the discussion about “I” and not “you.” By doing this, you are speaking about your feelings, and not pointing fingers. This person will be defensive, so don’t insult or berate him. If the interventionist is there, he can help talk through the objections.

Take immediate action.

Following the intervention, the addict will either admit it or deny it. If he admits it, escort him to his place, help him pack a bag, and take him to a treatment center for admission. If he denies it, unfortunately, the ultimatum’s consequences must begin immediately. Hopefully, the lack of his loved ones supporting him will prompt him to take action in a few days.