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In active addiction, it was impossible for me to be myself or to express my personality freely. My entire being was bound by my addiction and the pursuit of the next drink or drug and as a result, I behaved accordingly. Sometimes, this meant I had to present myself as a tough guy – someone big, bad and fearless; other times, this meant I played the role of the victim – someone trapped by circumstances beyond my control and deserving of pity. In reality, neither of these masks were the truth.
When I came into recovery, I began to learn new ways to live. I developed trust in the process and learned okay to express fear and vulnerability. I also learned that it was equally important to take responsibility for my life and my actions. I developed relationships with other recovering addicts and alcoholics who were genuinely interested in my recovery and well-being, not money, property or prestige. In this environment, I was able to learn who I was and felt safe being myself. It is very liberating to realize that I no longer have to wear a mask or play the chameleon.
When an addict or alcoholic makes a choice to enter into a lifestyle of recovery, oftentimes, they have been living a contradicting lifestyle for so long that they have a hard time identifying who they even are anymore. It is one of the most beautiful and rewarding gifts of recovery to watch a scared, lost, confused addict or alcoholic slowly evolve into a man or woman of integrity who can stand confidently in their own skin. Like anything else, this is a process that occurs slowly, one day and step at a time.
Working at Treatment Solutions Network, we’re blessed to be able to help place suffering addicts and alcoholics on the path to personal freedom. It’s a mission that requires us as individuals to remain true to ourselves and the suffering individual. It’s a privilege that we do not take for granted.
