Print This Page
The 1985 Robert Palmer song may have been on to something when it claimed “You’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love”. But like many other addictions these days, even addiction to love can be a very real and very serious thing to those affected by it.
Approval addiction
An approval addict is someone that is constantly looking to receive approval or love from others in order to be happy. These people may be completely dependent on what other people, such as friends or loved ones or even strangers, have to say about them. Living a life that is so dependent on others is very restricting, and often this type of addiction is the root to many other problems in relationships.
Substance abuse and approval addiction
In many cases, approval addiction is unfortunately a result of drug or alcohol addiction. Children that grow up in the home of an alcoholic or drug addict may develop an unhealthy desire to please others and avoid confrontation at all costs. Usually children of addicts actually learn to cover up their family secrets and sometimes are the responsible ones that have to take care of parents or other siblings. These individuals also grow up starved for love and attention. Kids that grow up in dysfunctional families will often end up being in a dysfunctional relationship as adults. An insecure person will continue to look for approval from others and their happiness is based on other people’s opinion.
Co-Dependence
Drug and alcohol addiction can lead to approval addiction in other ways also. Someone that abuses substances often has problems with their relationships at home. Rages of anger, violence, neglect, and abuse can be hard to take by a spouse or loved one, but those that are insecure may choose to stay in that type of relationship, even though it is so hard. The result of this is often co-dependence, where each member of the couple literally depends greatly on the other. These couples will go through a pattern that starts with the substance abuser being overly controlling, followed by the other person threatening to leave, followed by the abuser apologizing and giving lots of love and approval, which in turn keeps the dependant around and looking for more love. This cycle provides a series of highs and lows for the love addict, and we all know that the highs are so much sweeter if they follow closely after a low. Now we have two growing addictions taking place. The drug addict or alcoholic is allowed to continue in their substance addiction, and the love addict feels closer to them and yet even more desperate to keep them.
Treatment
Like so many other addictions, approval addiction affects millions of people today. It is important for someone struggling with this to get help to break out of their dependence and begin living their lives on their own.
Sources
Arnold, Linda You could be addicted to something you’ve not heard of April 10, 2009
Babao-Guballa, Cathy Are you in a co-dependent relationship04/12/2009
RSS feed for comments on this post.
